I Suck at Poker

Running bad, playing bad, things are not looking pretty in my PT database right now. Yesterday I played this totally crazy fish heads up at NL200 on Stars. He sat in with what I assume was his whole bankroll, like $95.90. Several hours later, he quits me with +$1400 in front of him. Yah. Not that I have a ton of HU experience, but this was definitely the grossest match I've ever played. I seriously felt like I could not win a single pot against him; he hit every possible draw; every time I had a big hand he somehow showed up with a bigger one (usually some crazy backdoor draw that got there on the river). I couldn't read his hands at all b/c he was so crazy; he just kept making all these bizarre min bets and overbets. Oh god it was frustrating. I played pretty shitty and tilted quite a bit. When I get badly tilted, my face gets all flushed and I can hear the blood whooshing around in my ears. Thankfully this happens to me pretty rarely, and I don't do any completely crazy shit like starting to open push every hand or anything. But I do start not thinking things through and manage to justify some pretty horrible decisions. I guess it's that fight or flight thing--all of the higher cognitive functions start shutting down b/c the body needs the energy elsewhere. Unfortunately I am not running from a bear, stupid body. Couldn't you please leave my brain alone next time?

Anyway, here are a few fun hands I've played recently:

I couldn't believe the hand this guy flipped over after just calling my river bet. How does he not find a raise there?!?
Full Tilt Poker Game #6279721196: Table Sandra (deep) - $2/$4 - No Limit Hold'em - 0:55:30 ET - 2008/05/04
Seat 1: apparatchik ($1,160.70)
Seat 2: tightplay123 ($195.90)
Seat 3: famouslastwords ($2,000.20)
Seat 4: youpay2see ($663.70)
Seat 5: CARATLADY ($390)
Seat 6: probaksu ($873.70)
Seat 7: LA_Slim ($898.10)
Seat 8: Cuernavaca ($239)
Seat 9: finchdog ($694.15)
finchdog posts the small blind of $2
apparatchik posts the big blind of $4
The button is in seat #8
*** HOLE CARDS **
Dealt to famouslastwords [Ad Td]
tightplay123 folds
famouslastwords raises to $14
youpay2see folds
CARATLADY folds
probaksu folds
LA_Slim calls $14
Cuernavaca has 15 seconds left to act
Cuernavaca folds
finchdog folds
apparatchik folds
** FLOP ** [Kd 5d Jh]
famouslastwords has 15 seconds left to act
famouslastwords bets $26
LA_Slim calls $26
*** TURN ** [Kd 5d Jh] [Jd]
famouslastwords bets $60
LA_Slim calls $60
*** RIVER ** [Kd 5d Jh Jd] [Qd]
famouslastwords has 15 seconds left to act
famouslastwords bets $145
LA_Slim has 15 seconds left to act
LA_Slim calls $145
*** SHOW DOWN **
famouslastwords shows [Ad Td] a Royal Flush
LA_Slim mucks
famouslastwords wins the pot ($493) with a Royal Flush
** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $496 | Rake $3
Board: [Kd 5d Jh Jd Qd]
Seat 1: apparatchik (big blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 2: tightplay123 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 3: famouslastwords showed [Ad Td] and won ($493) with a Royal Flush
Seat 4: youpay2see didn't bet (folded)
Seat 5: CARATLADY didn't bet (folded)
Seat 6: probaksu didn't bet (folded)
Seat 7: LA_Slim mucked [Qh Jc] - a full house, Jacks full of Queens
Seat 8: Cuernavaca (button) didn't bet (folded)
Seat 9: finchdog (small blind) folded before the Flop

Full Tilt has these new deep tables, where you can buy in for 200bbs (and I think the min. buy-in is 50bbs). They had these before, but only at weird blind levels that hardly anyone ever plays. So now they have them at the normal levels, and I love them so, so much. But this hand really stung:
Full Tilt Poker Game #6272638104: Table Sammis (deep) - $2/$4 - No Limit Hold'em - 14:20:43 ET - 2008/05/03
Seat 1: CARATLADY ($384)
Seat 2: skins7 ($933.40)
Seat 3: KingNutzzz ($920.50)
Seat 4: j23ad ($221.50)
Seat 5: famouslastwords ($1,413.70)
Seat 6: Freedrinksonme ($807)
Seat 7: Dino21Might ($400)
Seat 8: novel20 ($961.80)
Seat 9: Storm God ($800)
skins7 posts the small blind of $2
KingNutzzz posts the big blind of $4
5 seconds left to act
The button is in seat #1
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to famouslastwords [5s 4s]
j23ad folds
famouslastwords raises to $14
Freedrinksonme folds
novel20 folds
Storm God folds
CARATLADY folds
skins7 folds
KingNutzzz raises to $50
famouslastwords calls $36
*** FLOP *** [5h Tc 4d]
KingNutzzz bets $80
famouslastwords raises to $280
KingNutzzz raises to $870.50, and is all in
famouslastwords calls $590.50
KingNutzzz shows [As Ac]
famouslastwords shows [5s 4s]
KingNutzzz: wow
*** TURN *** [5h Tc 4d] [Qh]
*** RIVER *** [5h Tc 4d Qh] [Th]
KingNutzzz shows two pair, Aces and Tens
famouslastwords shows two pair, Tens and Fives
KingNutzzz wins the pot ($1,840) with two pair, Aces and Tens
famouslastwords adds $306.80
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $1,843 | Rake $3
Board: [5h Tc 4d Qh Th]
Seat 1: CARATLADY (button) didn't bet (folded)
Seat 2: skins7 (small blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 3: KingNutzzz (big blind) showed [As Ac] and won ($1,840) with two pair, Aces and Tens
Seat 4: j23ad didn't bet (folded)
Seat 5: famouslastwords showed [5s 4s] and lost with two pair, Tens and Fives
Seat 6: Freedrinksonme didn't bet (folded)
Seat 7: Dino21Might is sitting out
Seat 8: novel20 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 9: Storm God didn't bet (folded)

This one was against some guy who was either really tilted or really drunk. (Yeah, I know, I shouldn't be 3-betting the drunk/tilted guys with crap). I make a good read here, but the outcome ain't so good (running bad etc.).
Full Tilt Poker Game #6275198184: Table Bunch Grass - $2/$4 - No Limit Hold'em - 18:07:17 ET - 2008/05/03
Seat 1: ELVIS 54 ($397)
Seat 2: Richman316 ($80)
Seat 3: Tilty_Poo ($233)
Seat 4: Lou Siffer 13 ($300)
Seat 5: JerseyGrl07 ($225)
Seat 6: dabigboss187 ($400)
Seat 7: famouslastwords ($400)
Seat 8: Inzomnia ($396)
Seat 9: BOASK ($415.60)
Inzomnia posts the small blind of $2
BOASK posts the big blind of $4
The button is in seat #7
*** HOLE CARDS **
Dealt to famouslastwords [9c Kc]
ELVIS 54 folds
Tilty_Poo folds
JerseyGrl07 folds
dabigboss187 raises to $14
famouslastwords raises to $45
Inzomnia folds
BOASK folds
dabigboss187 raises to $76
famouslastwords calls $31
** FLOP ** [Qc 6h 9d]
dabigboss187 has 15 seconds left to act
dabigboss187 bets $158
famouslastwords raises to $324, and is all in
dabigboss187 calls $166, and is all in
famouslastwords shows [9c Kc]
dabigboss187 shows [Js Th]
*** TURN ** [Qc 6h 9d] [8h]
*** RIVER ** [Qc 6h 9d 8h] [7s]
famouslastwords shows a pair of Nines
dabigboss187 shows a straight, Queen high
dabigboss187 wins the pot ($803) with a straight, Queen high
famouslastwords adds $400
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $806 | Rake $3
Board: [Qc 6h 9d 8h 7s]
Seat 1: ELVIS 54 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 2: Richman316 is sitting out
Seat 3: Tilty_Poo didn't bet (folded)
Seat 4: Lou Siffer 13 is sitting out
Seat 5: JerseyGrl07 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 6: dabigboss187 showed [Js Th] and won ($803) with a straight, Queen high
Seat 7: famouslastwords (button) showed [9c Kc] and lost with a pair of Nines
Seat 8: Inzomnia (small blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 9: BOASK (big blind) folded before the Flop

This one is just hilarious. NL200, lol.
Full Tilt Poker Game #6273325198: Table Phil Ivey - $1/$2 - No Limit Hold'em - 15:24:35 ET - 2008/05/03
Seat 1: Coox ($246.80)
Seat 2: paythedonts ($94.65)
Seat 3: famouslastwords ($245.45)
Seat 4: walley6 ($149.10)
Seat 6: SpikerBuck ($172.55)
Seat 7: NicoretteGum ($217.75)
Seat 8: hotrodwvsu ($61.90)
Seat 9: Vic Makey ($193.75)
hotrodwvsu posts the small blind of $1
Vic Makey posts the big blind of $2
The button is in seat #7
*** HOLE CARDS **
Dealt to famouslastwords [3c 3d]
Coox folds
paythedonts folds
famouslastwords raises to $7
walley6 has 15 seconds left to act
walley6 raises to $12
SpikerBuck folds
NicoretteGum folds
hotrodwvsu folds
Vic Makey folds
famouslastwords calls $5
** FLOP ** [6d 9d Ts]
famouslastwords checks
walley6 has 15 seconds left to act
Vic Makey stands up
walley6 checks
*** TURN ** [6d 9d Ts] [5s]
famouslastwords checks
walley6 has 15 seconds left to act
walley6 checks
*** RIVER ** [6d 9d Ts 5s] [Qc]
famouslastwords checks
walley6 has 15 seconds left to act
walley6 checks
*** SHOW DOWN **
walley6 shows [Qd Qh] three of a kind, Queens
famouslastwords mucks
walley6 wins the pot ($25.65) with three of a kind, Queens
** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $27 | Rake $1.35
Board: [6d 9d Ts 5s Qc]
Seat 1: Coox didn't bet (folded)
Seat 2: paythedonts didn't bet (folded)
Seat 3: famouslastwords mucked [3c 3d] - a pair of Threes
Seat 4: walley6 showed [Qd Qh] and won ($25.65) with three of a kind, Queens
Seat 6: SpikerBuck didn't bet (folded)
Seat 7: NicoretteGum (button) didn't bet (folded)
Seat 8: hotrodwvsu (small blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 9: Vic Makey (big blind) folded before the Flop

Never Heard This One Before

Just came across this little gem--has to be the most hilarious theory on acting that I've ever heard:

...Ed Norton isn't a real actor. Here's a test: a real actor -- regardless of the approach -- settles their whole selves into the character. That's the only way to make things work. A poor actor is always there, always present, controlling his instrument. That uses one side of the brain as a puppetmaster for the rest of the body. That works for all parts of the body but the face: the two halves are unavoidably controlled by the two sides of the brain.

So, for example watch Harrison Ford. When he speaks, only one side of his mouth moves. When he uses his eyes (rare) only one is affected. You can literally see one side of his face as the actor manipulating the other side as character. Now watch Ed Norton here. Same thing. Impossible to hide if you are a bad actor, an incomplete artist...

Yeah, uh, WTF?

HU4Rollz?

Just posted the following story on 2p2, re: some serious fun I had at the online poker last night.

Anyway, I thought I'd share with you guys a pretty hilarious experience I had last night--first time I've ever found the opportunity to throw out a "HU4rollz" challenge to someone. So I was donking around at NL50 6max with a friend of mine (boundlessbluff) who I've been mentoring a bit in the poker, and I got into the following hand with one of the other TAGs at the table:

FullTiltPoker Game #6140933948: Table Stardust (6 max) - $0.25/$0.50 - No Limit Hold'em - 22:52:35 ET - 2008/04/22
Seat 1: cslack8909 ($50)
Seat 2: SuicideKing21 ($51.25)
Seat 3: famouslastwords ($77.70)
Seat 4: audikid ($161)
Seat 5: BoundlessBluff ($88.35)
Seat 6: thee babe ($58.15)
thee babe posts the small blind of $0.25
cslack8909 posts the big blind of $0.50
The button is in seat #5
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to famouslastwords [Ah As]
SuicideKing21 folds
famouslastwords raises to $1.75
audikid has 15 seconds left to act
audikid raises to $4
BoundlessBluff folds
thee babe folds
cslack8909 has 15 seconds left to act
cslack8909 adds $0.50
cslack8909 folds
famouslastwords has 15 seconds left to act
famouslastwords raises to $12.75
audikid has 15 seconds left to act
audikid calls $8.75
*** FLOP *** [Jc 8d 6h]
famouslastwords checks
audikid has 15 seconds left to act
audikid bets $15
famouslastwords raises to $64.95, and is all in
audikid has 15 seconds left to act
audikid calls $49.95
famouslastwords shows [Ah As]
audikid shows [Ts Td]
*** TURN *** [Jc 8d 6h] [8c]
*** RIVER *** [Jc 8d 6h 8c] [4h]
famouslastwords shows two pair, Aces and Eights
audikid shows two pair, Tens and Eights
famouslastwords wins the pot ($153.15) with two pair, Aces and Eights
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot $156.15 | Rake $3
Board: [Jc 8d 6h 8c 4h]
Seat 1: cslack8909 (big blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 2: SuicideKing21 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 3: famouslastwords showed [Ah As] and won ($153.15) with two pair, Aces and Eights
Seat 4: audikid showed [Ts Td] and lost with two pair, Tens and Eights
Seat 5: BoundlessBluff (button) didn't bet (folded)
Seat 6: thee babe (small blind) folded before the Flop

Some trash-talking chat ensued:
BoundlessBluff: nh
famouslastwords: heh, tx
famouslastwords: that's a gift, getting people to stack off like
that
audikid: a blind squirrel....
famouslastwords: can't teach it ;-)
famouslastwords: you calling me a squirrel?
audikid: im saying youre awful and woke up with a good hand
audikid: a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then
famouslastwords: hu for rolls?
SuicideKing21: lol
audikid: hu for rolls?
famouslastwords: let's do it
audikid: heads up?
audikid: haha
famouslastwords: ya
audikid: id be happy to play for rolls, but u cant sit down at my table
famouslastwords: name the stakes
audikid: nl5000?
famouslastwords: ok
SuicideKing21: lol, ur both morons
famouslastwords: search for me
famouslastwords: I'm at orbit
BoundlessBluff: tell me which table so I can watch..
BoundlessBluff: THX
famouslastwords: cmon man
famouslastwords: b4 someone else sits
BoundlessBluff: cmon audi, u all talk
SuicideKing21: stay here and donk around a bit
audikid: u think im gonna sit down heads up, really?
BoundlessBluff: scared...
famouslastwords: well, you said you would
famouslastwords: we can play lower if you don't have enough
audikid: called sh it talking
famouslastwords: or higher if you want
SuicideKing21: no, its called being called out

Audikid ended up sitting for about 10 seconds, but never bought in and promptly disappeared from both tables. It's too bad for him, really--not only does he end up looking like a tool, but he probably would have had a decent shot at taking my "roll," as badly as I suck at HU play.

That was the most fun I've had at a poker table in a long time. This doesn't make me an excessively mean person, does it?

Picture of the Day

Word

Saw this comment on another blog:

Sometimes when I'm sitting at my computer, all 'Dear Google, how do I get wax out of a table cloth?' (warm iron and paper towel) or 'Dear Google, who was it that said 'The road to hell is paved with adverbs' (Stephen King), I wonder how they did it, so long ago, when all the knowledge in the world was stored up in books and in people's heads. Maybe they did a lot more calling their moms, or talking to Old Man Perkins down on Amblewood.

...actually, it was in response to a very funny story: The Internet is Magic on Ultratart, one of my favorite blogs.

Seriously, how did people do things back in the day? Reference books? Literal carbon copies of letters and memos? It blows my mind. We're so much more efficient nowadays--so I don't understand why no one seems to be working towards a standard 3-day weekend. Surely technology has earned us an extra 8 hrs off per week, eh? Who's with me?