Life Tilt

My job is driving me crazy today. Yay for Mondays. My boss actually came to me this morning to tell me that I should back up and delete an old file folder (last year's grad audit) from our shared hard drive because it takes up too much space. Our hard drive is 244 GB; the folder consists of a bunch of word documents totaling about 16 MB. Oh yes, you're right; I'll get on that right away! And so I did.

Also spent about 10 minutes this morning asking one of my coworkers for a copy of the cover page we send out with external elective applications. It is a standard cover memo that goes with every application with generic instructions for completing the application. So I ask, "Can I have a copy of the cover sheet that goes with these applications?" Coworker has no idea what I mean. I try to describe it. She pulls out some other form. I try to describe it in more detail. She says, "We don't have anything like that." Finally I go to last year's application copies and dig out an old one. Show it to her. "Oh, that? That's not a cover sheet." Uh, okay? It's the standard top page of each application packet that goes out. Is there some other name for it?

Anyway, played a bunch of poker this weekend; ended up somehow making a solid 4.5 ptbb/100, but I have no idea how. Felt like I was running sick bad while playing (had a bunch of sick hands, including one where I got effectively all in preflop with AKs against some crazy guy's 92s and lost, and another where I got all in on the turn for 150BBs with AK on an A55J board against another maniac, and lost to J6s--J on the river, of course). Tilted pretty badly; by the end of Sunday's session I was at the point of berating myself after every play I made that didn't work (definitely a masochistic streak in my blood), which is obviously not the best mindset to be playing in. Luckily I don't have the inclination to super monkey tilt like I have seen in some other players. My tilt is more subtle, probably not extremely -EV on any one hand but -EV nonetheless. I do a lot of pushing in marginal spots, looking to get it in with any decent draw. Nothing catastrophic to my game, but obviously any time I am making plays that I should know better than to make, it sucks and should be unacceptable. But I have a definite "quitting" problem, as Tommy Angelo would put it. If I'm stuck and there is at least one big fish in the game, I can never bring myself to leave the game. It's stupid, but there it is. I want my money back. And I deserve that money more than the fish, goddamnit.

If only I could learn a way to turn off my emotions...